25 Ways to Annoy a Liberal

I engage in political discussions from time to time, though rarely are they very serious. Politically, I describe myself as "Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative".  Which, in plain English, means I'm fairly middle of the road, though I do lean a little farther to the right.  Give me guns, gay marriage, the death penalty, stop spending my tax dollars frivolously, keep abortion legal, I'll be happy a guy. However, I am lucky and blessed to have friends and acquaintances on all sides of the political spectrum. 

With the holidays upon us, that means family.  And family means political "discussions".  To stir things up just a little and liven your holiday chats, here are a few things to gently annoy your favorite bleeding heart "liberal" (or alternately, the nausea inducing "progressive".)  To all my liberal friends, I defy you to get through this list without finding at least one that made you wince a little.

Conservatives, don't get too comfortable, I'm coming for you next.    

25 Ways to Annoy a Liberal

1. Know the Constitution.  Liberals view the founding document of our nation’s heritage as archaic, irrelevant, and a "charter of negative liberties."  Besides, parchment went out in the 18th century.
2. Make sure your children play with toy guns loudly and in public.
3. While playing with said guns, encourage them to say such things as “Bang, bang, you’re dead!” or play “Cowboys and Indians.”  Even better, refer to it as "Cowboys and Injuns."
4. Simply own a gun, preferably a scary looking one.  Whether you use it or not is irrelevant.  Liberals hate this fundamental right.
5. Tell them Michael Moore’s films are not accurate and point out he’s jet-setting multi-millionaire with an immense carbon footprint.
6. Work in the private sector.  Receiving a paycheck not issued from the government is simply preposterous.
7. Watch NASCAR instead of PBS.
8. Go to church regularly.  Even better, live what you learn there.
9. Say the Pledge of Allegiance and really emphasize the “UNDER GOD” part.
10. Listen to Rush Limbaugh instead of NPR.
11. Take every opportunity to link terrorists with Islam.
12. Eat meat.
13. Barbecue said meat with charcoal first.
14. Use your gun (see #4 above) to hunt the meat before you barbecue it with charcoal.
15. Smoke a big, fat cigar, cigarette, or even just an e-cigarette after eating the meat you shot and then barbecued over charcoal.
16. Pray in public, preferably in a school or courthouse.  If you prefer, pull a Tim Tebow, and use a football field. 
17. Be sure to frequently refer to America as “The Greatest Country in the World”.
18. Always keep a Bible at your desk.
19. Give straight “yes” or “no” answers without any nuance or grey area.
20. Happily drive an SUV.  For added impact, make sure it has a “God Bless America” and “Rebel Flag” bumper sticker on it.  
21. Remind them that Bill Clinton was the "first black President".  If you really want to get a rise, state that Obama is only half black, and therefore not truly the “first black President.”
22. Ask if George Bush was a “great President” or “Greatest President”.  Accept no other responses.
23. Frequently mention Bill Clinton as the “worst President ever”.
24. Politely argue with facts and logic.  Be prepared to be called a “Nazi”, ”Fascist” or “Racist”.
25. Work hard, succeed, and be happy.  Liberals are acutely annoyed when others, especially conservatives, are happy.

Note how I placed this picture all the way to the right.