25 Ways to Annoy a Conservative

I engage in political discussions from time to time, though rarely are they very serious. Politically, I describe myself as "Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative".  Which, in plain English, means I'm fairly middle of the road, though I do lean a little farther to the right.  Give me guns, gay marriage, the death penalty, stop spending my tax dollars frivolously, keep abortion legal, I'll be happy a guy. However, I am lucky and blessed to have friends and acquaintances on all sides of the political spectrum. 

With the holidays upon us, that means family.  And family means political "discussions".  To stir things up just a little and liven your holiday chats, here are a few things to gently annoy your favorite gun toting conservative (a.k.a. "right winger".)  To all my conservative friends, I defy you to get through this list without finding at least one that made you wince a little.  And hopefully chuckle.  

I now balance the scales from my earlier "25 Ways to Annoy a Liberal".

(http://stalledinatlanta.blogspot.com/2013/12/25-ways-to-annoy-liberal.html)

25 Ways to Annoy a Conservative

1. Be anything other than white, heterosexual, Christian, middle to upper class. 
2. Boast about how much money you are saving by driving a hybrid.
3. State that nowhere in the Constitution does it say we’re a Christian nation.
4. Twist the knife a little further by pointing out that nowhere in the Constitution does the word “Christian” appear even once.
5. Produce a documentary which shows that stem cells could have been used to cure the ills of Charlton Heston and Ronald Reagan.
6. Next time one of them points out how Obama or the government is ruining the country, politely invite them to love America or leave it.  
7. Simply mention Whoopi Goldberg or Nancy Pelosi and watch what happens.
8. Point out that the “Pledge of Allegiance” was written by a Christian Socialist.
9. The Federal Reserve was a Republican idea. 
10. “Roe V. Wade” was a bipartisan ruling made by a conservative leaning court.
11. Remind them that Ronald Reagan raised taxes eleven times as President.
12. Point out that FOX News is owned by an Australian and has a Saudi prince as its primary investor.
13. Republicans complain about illegals taking American jobs, and then freely give American jobs to foreigners overseas.
14. Ask if Republicans hate communism so much, why do they refer to themselves as “Red States”?
15. Recommend that churches stay out of politics, or lose their tax free status.
16. Mention that "In God We Trust" wasn't added to paper money until 1957.
17. Point out the "Pledge of Allegiance" didn't have "under God" in it until 1954.
18. Tell them you receive welfare, food stamps, EBT, unemployment, or any other "entitlement". (Whether you are or not is irrelevant.)
19. Speak a second language.  Spanish is especially effective.
20. Flaunt Germany’s free healthcare and the strongest economy in Europe.
21. Ask them why their favorite store is Wal-Mart if they're so anti-China.
22. Mention getting a liberal arts degree from a prestigious college.
23. Wear an "I love the EPA" t-shirt to the next Tea Party event. 
24. Politely argue with facts and logic.  Be prepared to be called a “Socialist”, ”Communist” or “Fascist”
25. Work hard, succeed, and be happy.  Conservatives are acutely annoyed when others, especially liberals, are happy. 

Yes, he's on the left.

  

25 Ways to Annoy a Liberal

I engage in political discussions from time to time, though rarely are they very serious. Politically, I describe myself as "Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative".  Which, in plain English, means I'm fairly middle of the road, though I do lean a little farther to the right.  Give me guns, gay marriage, the death penalty, stop spending my tax dollars frivolously, keep abortion legal, I'll be happy a guy. However, I am lucky and blessed to have friends and acquaintances on all sides of the political spectrum. 

With the holidays upon us, that means family.  And family means political "discussions".  To stir things up just a little and liven your holiday chats, here are a few things to gently annoy your favorite bleeding heart "liberal" (or alternately, the nausea inducing "progressive".)  To all my liberal friends, I defy you to get through this list without finding at least one that made you wince a little.

Conservatives, don't get too comfortable, I'm coming for you next.    

25 Ways to Annoy a Liberal

1. Know the Constitution.  Liberals view the founding document of our nation’s heritage as archaic, irrelevant, and a "charter of negative liberties."  Besides, parchment went out in the 18th century.
2. Make sure your children play with toy guns loudly and in public.
3. While playing with said guns, encourage them to say such things as “Bang, bang, you’re dead!” or play “Cowboys and Indians.”  Even better, refer to it as "Cowboys and Injuns."
4. Simply own a gun, preferably a scary looking one.  Whether you use it or not is irrelevant.  Liberals hate this fundamental right.
5. Tell them Michael Moore’s films are not accurate and point out he’s jet-setting multi-millionaire with an immense carbon footprint.
6. Work in the private sector.  Receiving a paycheck not issued from the government is simply preposterous.
7. Watch NASCAR instead of PBS.
8. Go to church regularly.  Even better, live what you learn there.
9. Say the Pledge of Allegiance and really emphasize the “UNDER GOD” part.
10. Listen to Rush Limbaugh instead of NPR.
11. Take every opportunity to link terrorists with Islam.
12. Eat meat.
13. Barbecue said meat with charcoal first.
14. Use your gun (see #4 above) to hunt the meat before you barbecue it with charcoal.
15. Smoke a big, fat cigar, cigarette, or even just an e-cigarette after eating the meat you shot and then barbecued over charcoal.
16. Pray in public, preferably in a school or courthouse.  If you prefer, pull a Tim Tebow, and use a football field. 
17. Be sure to frequently refer to America as “The Greatest Country in the World”.
18. Always keep a Bible at your desk.
19. Give straight “yes” or “no” answers without any nuance or grey area.
20. Happily drive an SUV.  For added impact, make sure it has a “God Bless America” and “Rebel Flag” bumper sticker on it.  
21. Remind them that Bill Clinton was the "first black President".  If you really want to get a rise, state that Obama is only half black, and therefore not truly the “first black President.”
22. Ask if George Bush was a “great President” or “Greatest President”.  Accept no other responses.
23. Frequently mention Bill Clinton as the “worst President ever”.
24. Politely argue with facts and logic.  Be prepared to be called a “Nazi”, ”Fascist” or “Racist”.
25. Work hard, succeed, and be happy.  Liberals are acutely annoyed when others, especially conservatives, are happy.

Note how I placed this picture all the way to the right.